Time is a valuable thing, watch it fly by as the pendulum swings. Watch it count down to the end of the day, the clock ticks life away, It’s so unreal

Screaming, crying and more screaming. That’s how it has been for the best part of one-two weeks now. During/after Thea has fed, something bothers her and she screams, obviously in a fair amount of discomfort. She then takes at least an hour to settle back down and get to sleep. Day or night. Sunday night was particularly bad. She was awake for nearly three hours with on/off crying. Many people will have their views/opinions that maybe it is colic. Who knows? Maybe it’s that as well, but this crying is definitely in line with her feeding.

The gaviscon I thought was working to an extent. She had never been a sticky baby, but now she wasn’t being sick at all. We had purchased colief as well, and started to use that Saturday afternoon, but to be honest although it may be a God send, it’s a faff as you need to put it into the bottle at least thirty minutes prior to feeding. When you’re making up fresh bottles, you can imagine how difficult this is, especially when your baby varies feeding times between two-four hours depending on if she’s having a good day or not.

On Monday morning I decided to take her to my new doctors. Obviously dubious, as I’m a first time mum, I was sure they would just send me away. When I got there, the doctor was male and I’d say late 50’s- maybe. So initial thoughts were oh God, he’s never going to give me the time of day. Anyway, after discussing Thea’s various symptoms he, without hesitation prescribed her some allergy milk. It’s not lactose free, but it’s the first stage of confirming if she has an allergy or intolerance. I believe that it has already broke down the protein in the cow milk that causes the irritation , so her body doesn’t have to do it.

Needless to say I was relieved as he didn’t think I was crazy. I’m not sure if it is this or if she’s just a crying/fussy baby, but it’s with a shot, right?

On her first feed with it, she screamed as normal, but I was told up until three days you may not see a change, and I guess the other milk is still in her system. After that, her next feed was very different. She because sleepy and then even fell asleep on the changing mat when we put her down. The next feed at 9pm she did cry for an hour, but who knows what this was. A witching hour maybe? She then only had two feeds during the night. 1.15am and 5.20am. Both times, she fell asleep and looked so content while feeding I nearly cried. Is this what my little girl should be like when feeding, instead of pushing her bottle away screaming?! The first feed it did take an hour to get her to go back to sleep, but she got the bloody hiccups and it woke her up! The second time, feeding included she was back in bed asleep within 30 minutes. Amazing!

However, she had managed to flop in a funny position and woke up screaming at 7.30am. I tried to give her a bottle not realising that she only had one less that two hours earlier. She then continued to scream. I got her down for about twenty minutes at some point but she woke up, then for some strange reason I tried to I’ve her another bottle, resulting in more screaming. I couldn’t console her. She cried. I cried. Anyway, in the end I got her to go to sleep, where she stayed down for two hours. When she woke up, she had a bottle and low and behold fell asleep in my arms, and I put her down- she’s sleeping now and that was an hour ago. Not sure what happened earlier. I think I got her up when she wasn’t ready, and it escalated when I tried to force a bottle down her thinking she was hungry. Is that possible? I hope so because the results so far of the new milk have been positive. Hopefully it’s not a coincidence or something like the colief kicking in, as I have now stopped that and the gaviscon. Obviously we need to see if the milk makes a difference and we can’t do that while giving her other stuff.

The health visitor came yesterday. She’s so lovely, and very understanding. I had a good cry when she was there, and she asked if I wanted her to watch Thea while I had something to eat and drink. Good news is, she doesn’t think I’m suffering from depression. (Not that there is anything wrong with me having it. It’s common and I know a few people that have had it. Shit happens) she, like me, thinks that I’m tired and upset that my baby seems so unhappy with something. I just want to make sure she’s okay, and console her when she’s upset. Play with her and help her develop. That isn’t depression. It’s longing to make sure that the most precious thing in your life is safe and well, and slightly feeling like a failure because she isn’t.

She measured her head, length and weight. I think her head size is normal, and her length is slightly above normal- probably why I’ve had to put her in 0-3 months clothes, as her legs seemed too long for new born clothes. She has put on over a pound in two weeks. Weighing in at 10.2 the last time, she is now 11.7. My little pork chop!

I had a friend come this morning, she’s 37 weeks pregnant. I had a cry to her too (after the screaming earlier, I just needed to let it out). The poor woman, I didn’t give her much to look forward to, so I feel a bit awful, but I figure the last thing I want to do is put on a front and lie to her. Tell her that it’s all wonderful and she sleeps straight through the night without encountering any problems. She saw it how it is, well for me anyway. She’s been a good friend throughout my pregnancy, and although I’ve found it difficult to keep in contact since Thea has been born, I still value her friendship. I also said that I would return the favour and when she needs me, I’ll be there.

It’s so important to have such a good support network. Sadly, I don’t have people to rely on everyday to come and have Thea for a couple of hours, but I can still contact them at ANY time and I always get replies. Family, friends who I used to work with, relatives with children of their own, pregnant friends, friends I’ve met on forums, health visitor friends. People who have been there, or are just there to listen when I need it. You’ll never know how much I appreciate you during these difficult times.

An online friend posted a link on my wall. It was an idea of setting up your baby with an email dares and emailing her random things, not giving her the password until she’s 18. I had a journal throughout my pregnancy but haven’t had a chance to fill it in since she’s been born, so this idea was great. Pictures say a thousand words as they say, so that’s what I did. I emailed her a brief outline of the first six weeks of her life. Ups and downs, but most of all pictures of the most pivotal moments so far. I hope she likes it when she’s older. Isn’t technology great?!

Any ways, just wanted to update you all on possible milk progress. Has anyone else had milk allergy babies? I’d be interested in chatting to you about it!


3 thoughts on “Time is a valuable thing, watch it fly by as the pendulum swings. Watch it count down to the end of the day, the clock ticks life away, It’s so unreal”

  1. Beautiful writing Siaan, you are an amazing mummy and it must be so frustrating when you know you’re baby is communicating with you but you just can’t put your finger on what they need. I hope Thea does well on this new milk and it’s he answe you’ve been searching for. You are inspiring to all other mummy’s and mummy’s-to-be. You should be very proud of yourself 😊 sending lots of love, Zoe xxx


  2. I’m exhausted just reading that, you poor thing. I do hope you get some answers as to what the problem is with the feeding and that the new milk does help. It’s still worth looking into cranial osteopathy though, it can help with a lot of stuff, especially with cranky babies. xxx


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