Tiredness Kills…

And I’m not just talking about when you’re driving a vehicle. I’m sure you’ve all been there. When you’re so tired, you think you might actually die. Yea- that kind of tired. So, if you’ve ended up reading this blog, lucky you. It’s a depressive one!

As you all know (because I always go on about it), Thea has never been a good sleeper. In fact, at 21 months old, I can count on one hand how many times she has sept through the night. Most nights, I’m up twice, and I consider this to be a good night. I can go in once for a dummy run and once to give her a small feed.

When we put her down for a nap or to bed in the evening, she falls to sleep on us first. I know, it’s not ideal and she needs to be put down awake, but I don’t need a lecture about it. It is what it is, and I can only deal with one crisis at a time. I just want to give you all the facts.

Just over three weeks ago, she woke up screaming around 11pm. I thought it was her lower canines starting to push up as only a few weeks before, both her upper canines erupted, so this made the most sense as to why she was so upset. Some kids breeze through teething, but Thea has had a horrendous time with each and every one of them. My normal routine in this case is to bring her down onto the sofa with me, as this is the only place I can settle her, before putting her back in her cot. Normally after a couple of nights, she’s fine, and happy to return to her cot all night.

But not this time. Three weeks on, and she is still waking up anywhere between 10.30/12.20am- normally around 11.30pm- screaming, wanting to go back down on the sofa with me. The only time it has gone on this long was November last year. I spent six weeks up and down the stairs like a yoyo with her, but enough is enough. Also, last Sunday, she suddenly stopped with her night feeds, so maybe this is taking some adjustment as well? Like maybe she is getting herself into a new routine.

I’m just so tired, I’m at breaking point again. I don’t know where to start in trying to explain how I feel. I just know that after spending at least a couple of hours on the sofa for the past three weeks, it has to stop. My eyes hurt- not only do my bags have bags, but they are sore, really sore, and red and itchy because they are so tired. They are so dry I’m constantly trying to shove eye drops in, to no avail. I can’t hold a conversation and my memory is shocking. It’s even harder now I’m at work three days a week, and with Monday being a long work day (8.45am/7pm) I could cry- It’s like Thea knows and makes an extra special effort to be a pain in the arse. People will text me and three days later, I still haven’t replied. Don’t take it personally, I just can’t remember that you’ve text, so by all means, just give me a nudge. I’m in a foul mood. All the time. My house is a mess, but besides making dinner, I can’t seem to find the energy to do anything about it. My body- specifically my lower back and hips are in an excruciating amount of pain due to a two stone child laying on me. I’m also Vit D deficient so that doesn’t help, and it’s making working painful as well. My stomach is so poorly and upset all the time, which always happens when I’m run down and tired, but let me tell you, taking shit tablets for the past three weeks is not my idea of fun. Most of all, my relationships are suffering. And not just one is particular, all of them. I just feel so down.

We had to try something different last night, so decided to go back to the controlled crying. I decided that much to his dismay, Troy needed to take the lead on this one. After being the one that gets her out the cot and comforts her and puts her to bed each night, I wasn’t the one for the job. It had to be a new face, so to speak. To be fair, she went to bed at 8pm and we didn’t hear from her until 2am. This is the longest she has gone in ages, and normally I would give her a couple of oz of milk to get her back to sleep again, but since she dropped it last Sunday, I certainly wasn’t getting back into that habit again. Troy went into her room three times, to make sure she had a dummy, to briefly try and sooth her and lay her down. She cried and she screamed, and it’s awful and heart breaking, but at this stage. It’s necessary.

I think it went pretty well. I put the timer on my phone, and after 22 minutes, she suddenly went quiet, and we didn’t hear from her again until 6am. I’m taking this as a big fat win. We’ve had times where she has cried it out for nearly two hours, and maybe that will happen tonight, but for last night, it was a win. I’m still knackered. I’m bound to be, my sleeping routine is absolutely fucked as I’m only used to sleeping between 9.30/10-11.30pm, then 2am-5am. So yeah, even if Thea does start to sleep well again, it’s going to take some time for me.

We’ll carry on working like this, and take her dropping the night feed as the next step. Hopefully in the next few weeks, we can work on putting her to bed awake, as I think this will help a lot, but like I said, one crisis at a time.

Anyway, I’ll update you all soon on how the next few nights go, and maybe I’ll get to put up a blog of what we’ve been up to lately.

Advice welcome!

Lot’s of love,

Siaan & Thea xoxo